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Ugh as if yesterday's encounter at the conservatory weren't enough, last night at the neighbors Yulduz opa told me that I lied to her when I told her that I had no power to help them get a visa to go to America. They said that I could have a fictive wedding to Ravshan aka (the father of the family - a 45 year old guy). I was appalled. In addition to the fact that I don't think that a few years in America will help the economic situation for the family, I am annoyed at even being asked such a preposterous thing. I tried to explain that there are immigration police that check for fake marriages and that I don't want to go to prison.

So then I went home, feeling even worse about everything. I had a rather introspective night. I am now doubting the sincerity of all my relationships here, because it seems that anyone who might befriend me may not be doing it solely for the chance at a visa, but that factor must always be in the back of their minds. I am amazed that just about everyone I've met here, including those I knew from last year, have approached me about helping find a way to get to America - some people want to go for good, some just for a chance to make some money. But still it is frightening that EVERYONE seems to want out. Of course if they really knew what their life would be like in America, I don't think that they would actually all want out - but regardless they all seem to think that the only way to fix their situation is to leave. And how can I advocate moving to a country like America? I feel like these people are drawn by the sick imperialistic power that is being displayed by the US government and corporations. They want a piece of that pie as well. The whole thing is very upsetting to me and I'm not really sure how to resolve it all in my head.

(no subject)

Wow - I didn't have a lesson today, because Malika had to play for the Ministry people who came to choose the peices that the school maqom ensemble will play for the Consitution day (Dec 7) concert. So I went and watched that whole thing instead of having a lesson - I will have a lesson tomorrow at 10:30. Aside from the stupid minister who left his cell phone on and then answered it (!!!!!) in the middle of a peice, it was a great thing to be able to watch. There was another professor there who was also playing dutar, but I think she is an administrator or a theoretician. Anyway I got to see the two of them playing side by side and it was fascinating. Malika's hands are kind of like mine - stout, strong, and sausagey. The other womans hands looked more normal - longer nails, thinner fingers, but Malika's hands look so amazing when she plays. I wish I had a video camera, though I think this might be something that needs to be seen live. She was playing much more complicated rhythmic patterns within the context of the meter - and her technique was more relaxed and more precise all at the same time. Malika used an open hand much more of the time and I wonder if that is because she didn't study with a folk dutar teacher. The folk dutar teacher I studied with really ephasized a more rounded, fist like hand and that is what the other dutaris played with. I can't explain it well, it was just so nice to see Malika interacting musically with others, it made me very proud to be her student.