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merchimerchWow - the Uzbek penchant for telling me that I HAVE to have a baby during my first year of marriage is really getting to me. Our friend J was over last night telling me how since we visited him last week, his host mom's favorite topic is telling him either to dress warm or how I really should give birth this year. The night before I was at the neighbors and they were telling me to have kids.
I'd love to give birth - I am convinced that I've partnered with someone who will be an excellent father and that we will make big fat blonde blue-eyed little cherubs together. I can even afford to have a baby in this country. What people here just don't get is that even though I can afford the hospital bills here, I can't afford to support a child when we get back to the US. Period, end of story. Even once I get a decent job it will be iffy as to whether I really can support a family.
All this advice about hurrying up and having a baby is seeping into my subconscious. I have had 2 nights of baby dreams - full sensation breast feeding, scampering after toddlers, intense baby dreams. Not funny. My fertility has evened out after about 6 months of being off the pill and according to my fertility chart, I know that I could probably get pregnant next month, provided everything really is in working order and R's sperm are swimmers. Part of me really wants to.
The other part of me is sane. I can't afford it and I'm sure that it is not productive to get pregnant in the first year of marriage - there is a whole lot of stuff to sort out even without babies. There are dozens of reasons for me not to have kids even beyond economics. If I get pregnant now, my Ph.D. goes from "attainable goal" to "big maybe."
I really wish the Uzbeks would just get off my back on this subject - it has replaced my weight as the favorite uncomfortable topic to talk about with Merchimerch. It is obvious that my body is ready to be pregnant - my career, dissertation, marriage, emotional stability, and pretty much every other factor in my life are really not.
I'd love to give birth - I am convinced that I've partnered with someone who will be an excellent father and that we will make big fat blonde blue-eyed little cherubs together. I can even afford to have a baby in this country. What people here just don't get is that even though I can afford the hospital bills here, I can't afford to support a child when we get back to the US. Period, end of story. Even once I get a decent job it will be iffy as to whether I really can support a family.
All this advice about hurrying up and having a baby is seeping into my subconscious. I have had 2 nights of baby dreams - full sensation breast feeding, scampering after toddlers, intense baby dreams. Not funny. My fertility has evened out after about 6 months of being off the pill and according to my fertility chart, I know that I could probably get pregnant next month, provided everything really is in working order and R's sperm are swimmers. Part of me really wants to.
The other part of me is sane. I can't afford it and I'm sure that it is not productive to get pregnant in the first year of marriage - there is a whole lot of stuff to sort out even without babies. There are dozens of reasons for me not to have kids even beyond economics. If I get pregnant now, my Ph.D. goes from "attainable goal" to "big maybe."
I really wish the Uzbeks would just get off my back on this subject - it has replaced my weight as the favorite uncomfortable topic to talk about with Merchimerch. It is obvious that my body is ready to be pregnant - my career, dissertation, marriage, emotional stability, and pretty much every other factor in my life are really not.
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-21 10:39 pm (UTC)It is not a good time for you. Be with R. Love him. Let him love you. Be a married couple and work on that together. In 3 to 5 to 10 years, bring a child into your lives as you will be better prepared and more solid.
*hugs*
Zhaneel
PS: Which isn't to say *I* don't want one. See my recent g-blog postings about baby madness.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-23 03:35 am (UTC)I don't get too much baby pressure in the US - I think R's mom would like a grandkid to play with, as would my mom, but they don't tend to put pressure on me. My dad and little bro have discussed it, and both think that I should wait 5 years and then have a kid. I'm not sure where that arbitrary number came from, but I think it's cute.
Uzbekistan is just through the looking glass in terms of babies. For one, everyone has a huge support network, so having a career and babies isn't mutually exclusive. Also there is the prevalent idea that if a woman isn't pregnant within the first 6 months of marriage, something is WRONG with her.
Oh well - like I said, I'm not planning on giving in to the Uzbek idea of marriage in any way, especially the babies part - I just wish it would stop messing with my brain.