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May. 29th, 2005 12:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
merchimerchWow, I just realized that we are coming back to the states in less than 2 months - holy crap that is soon!
We are going to Samarqand on Wed. to see of our friend J and buy a rug with our friend K, the antiques expert.
We spent last night at K's house eating icecream and cobbler (she's an addict for my gluten and dairy free cobbler as a wheat allergic orthodox Jew - I'll have to make some for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nisaa when I get back to CA). We got to watch ROTK again, which is lovely and always renews my faith in humanity and the narrative of good and creative forces prevailing.
While R was fetching ice cream and pop corn K and I got into a discussion about spirituality - she knows I'm a pagan leaning "probably is" kind of agnostic and she talked a lot about faith and morals which I really enjoyed. I really like talking to devout people who are respectful of me and my beliefs - I learned a lot. We talked about how my priorities have shifted this year and now I see pointing my goals toward creating a good environment for a family that has time to spend with one another. I talked about how difficult it was to put off trying to conceive when my whole being seems to be screaming at me to create life. She starting in on how that is the difference that faith makes, and she believes the "God will provide." I told her that I have seen too many hungry, homeless children to believe that God will provide for my children without my efforts. Still I think she has a point - I am always hesitant to make leaps of faith. I want things to be nailed down solid before I make the next step. I'm trying to let go of this and learn how to go with the flow, and I'm doing a better job of not tearing myself apart inside and out because I don't know where my career is going next year. I just take the prospect of having children too seriously to just throw caution to the wind and believe that everything will work out. Maybe that is the difference - I don't have blind faith. That doesn't make the thought of just diving in and trying to get pregnant less attractive, it just makes me more sure that it is the wrong choice for me now.
We are going to Samarqand on Wed. to see of our friend J and buy a rug with our friend K, the antiques expert.
We spent last night at K's house eating icecream and cobbler (she's an addict for my gluten and dairy free cobbler as a wheat allergic orthodox Jew - I'll have to make some for
nisaa when I get back to CA). We got to watch ROTK again, which is lovely and always renews my faith in humanity and the narrative of good and creative forces prevailing.While R was fetching ice cream and pop corn K and I got into a discussion about spirituality - she knows I'm a pagan leaning "probably is" kind of agnostic and she talked a lot about faith and morals which I really enjoyed. I really like talking to devout people who are respectful of me and my beliefs - I learned a lot. We talked about how my priorities have shifted this year and now I see pointing my goals toward creating a good environment for a family that has time to spend with one another. I talked about how difficult it was to put off trying to conceive when my whole being seems to be screaming at me to create life. She starting in on how that is the difference that faith makes, and she believes the "God will provide." I told her that I have seen too many hungry, homeless children to believe that God will provide for my children without my efforts. Still I think she has a point - I am always hesitant to make leaps of faith. I want things to be nailed down solid before I make the next step. I'm trying to let go of this and learn how to go with the flow, and I'm doing a better job of not tearing myself apart inside and out because I don't know where my career is going next year. I just take the prospect of having children too seriously to just throw caution to the wind and believe that everything will work out. Maybe that is the difference - I don't have blind faith. That doesn't make the thought of just diving in and trying to get pregnant less attractive, it just makes me more sure that it is the wrong choice for me now.
