(no subject)
Feb. 12th, 2008 02:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
merchimerchI'm not sure I'm going to have the questioning Vday rant simmer up out of me this year. I have two more days to bring it up to a boil, and odds are I'll spend the time doing yoga and prepping for my class.
However,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ame_chan pretty much said it for me:
http://ame-chan.livejournal.com/1645378.html?style=mine#cutid1
YEAH THAT!
and the highlight reel:
"I do not like the idea that it should be about Big Expensive Things. Having this obligation that you've gotta get all decked out in slutty lingerie you paid too much for at Vickie's Secret and ya gotta blow someone because they gave you a diamond? NOT FUN. Feeling like you have to give someone a diamond or feeling like THEY have to GIVE you the diamond or they just don't love you? NOT FUN. How about, all manner of WRONG. I mean come ON. It's a Wednesday. Or a Tuesday. Most years, it's a work night. You might be tired or have a headache and suddenly there's this whole expectation that you're gonna ante up a bunch of crap or put out and pay huge bundles of cash for a prix fixe dinner at a restaurant you normally wouldn't eat at, well that whole expectation puts me right in a crappy mood.
NOT FUN.
I'd rather go have a fancy dinner some night for no other reason than I wanted the fancy dinner right then in that moment.
I'm kind of about keeping it simple, really.
Forget the diamonds. Forget the slutty, overpriced lingerie. Forget feeling like you are obligated to make it bigger, better, more expensive. Unless these things make you authentically joyful, turned on and happy and you're not doing it out of some sense of obligation, in which case, hells YES make with all that stuff.
Forget feeling obligated to put out, because sex is never fun or nice or really great when you're doing it from the standpoint of the calendar, Hallmark and Madison Avenue all dictating you should. Sex it up because you really want to. Or not. It's okay. Let it be juicy and real and great because you are really happy to be there with each other, which may or may not be that particular calendar day. Seriously, it's okay. Don't do it just because they spent two months salary on a piece of rock so now you have to or you're ungrateful. Don't expect the best blow job of your life because you ponied up with the good stuff from Skip and Steve down at Robbin's Brothers.
These are crappy expectations to put on someone you love."
However,
ame_chan pretty much said it for me:http://ame-chan.livejournal.com/1645378.html?style=mine#cutid1
YEAH THAT!
and the highlight reel:
"I do not like the idea that it should be about Big Expensive Things. Having this obligation that you've gotta get all decked out in slutty lingerie you paid too much for at Vickie's Secret and ya gotta blow someone because they gave you a diamond? NOT FUN. Feeling like you have to give someone a diamond or feeling like THEY have to GIVE you the diamond or they just don't love you? NOT FUN. How about, all manner of WRONG. I mean come ON. It's a Wednesday. Or a Tuesday. Most years, it's a work night. You might be tired or have a headache and suddenly there's this whole expectation that you're gonna ante up a bunch of crap or put out and pay huge bundles of cash for a prix fixe dinner at a restaurant you normally wouldn't eat at, well that whole expectation puts me right in a crappy mood.
NOT FUN.
I'd rather go have a fancy dinner some night for no other reason than I wanted the fancy dinner right then in that moment.
I'm kind of about keeping it simple, really.
Forget the diamonds. Forget the slutty, overpriced lingerie. Forget feeling like you are obligated to make it bigger, better, more expensive. Unless these things make you authentically joyful, turned on and happy and you're not doing it out of some sense of obligation, in which case, hells YES make with all that stuff.
Forget feeling obligated to put out, because sex is never fun or nice or really great when you're doing it from the standpoint of the calendar, Hallmark and Madison Avenue all dictating you should. Sex it up because you really want to. Or not. It's okay. Let it be juicy and real and great because you are really happy to be there with each other, which may or may not be that particular calendar day. Seriously, it's okay. Don't do it just because they spent two months salary on a piece of rock so now you have to or you're ungrateful. Don't expect the best blow job of your life because you ponied up with the good stuff from Skip and Steve down at Robbin's Brothers.
These are crappy expectations to put on someone you love."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-02-13 07:59 am (UTC)That being said...
I don't think CoAD needs to be about huge amounts of money or anything. I think that it should be a day to tell someone you care about that you do care. And that can be in any way you see fit... either in sexy underwear, a handmade card, little favours, a home cooked dinner, a fancy one... any way to show any person(s) that you care about them. And really it doesn't have to be THAT day... but it's a day you can set aside to say "I may not say this as often as I should, but on this one day I want you to know that I care."
It's why I always buy myself a CoAD present, even if it's something small... it's a way of reminding myself that I need to care about me, too. (this year it's a little V-day Eeyore that is uber cute!)
no subject
Date: 2008-02-13 03:57 pm (UTC)I agree with you on the self love and reinterpretation score. The sentiment that you should do with VDay what you will, and do what makes you authentically happy, juicy, and joyful is what I really appreciate about
Sloughing off societal pressure to value commodities or perform certain rituals on certain days can be liberating for some, and can be an act of losing valuable traditions for others.
There are certainly other holidays that I like to hold on to commodities and culturally normative traditions. You should have seen what I went through to gather all the expats I could and make turkey, "pumpkin" pie, and mashed potatoes while in the field during TDay. Vday/CoAday just isn't meaningful enough to me (perhaps because traditionally it doesn't involve gathering friends and family close and baking); it always seemed like an excuse for more junk food in my family, and for demonstrating popularity hierarchies in school.
I'll probably be attending the Vagina Monologues on Friday the 15th, since that's my favorite way to mark (or unmark) the day.