(no subject)

[merchimerch]

And another melt down and narcoleptic fit last night.....not quite sure what to do. For the most part I feel okay about my life and I recognize how blessed and fortunate I am. In the middle of my meltdown I even said this to R - I don't actually hate my life, I love my life, I just don't feel like I'm up to it right now. R is amazingly good at dealing with my emotional crap and reassuring me that I have his unconditional love and support, and putting me to bed for another round of narcolepsy. And I do feel better this morning - I always feel better after sleeping for 8-10 hours. But I feel like I shouldn't have to weep and sleep in order to function. I am accustomed to functioning on 6 hours of sleep on the weekdays and working for a couple hours in the evening - this no longer seems possible.

Anyway I think I got good news in my inbox this morning - the woman who runs the advanced Uzbek program at U of Washington said she'd be so pleased to have me in the program - which is great news, but she didn't mention anything specific about the fellowship which I was specifically applying for, so I hestiate to say that I'll be packing my bags for soggy Seattle just yet.

Comments

[iyindo.livejournal.com]

when exactly would you be leaving for Seattle? I didn't even know this was happening! Would you be going up there for just a language program?

As for the meltdown, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure that as soon as exams are over you will once again be able to function on six hours sleep. But right now you have to accept the fact that your body is demanding things that your mind may not necessarily understand. And there's probably more going on in your body than your mind can be aware of. You're not going to be a weepy, narcoleptic person for the rest of your life. This just happens to be a time of physical, emotional, and academic difficulty. I know it's hard because I've been there, but just keep your sights on the fact that by mid April or the end of April it will be done for better or for worse. And even if it's for worse and you fail every exam... R will still love you and you won't be dead. This is an extremist way of looking at it, but it seems to be a time of extremes... so just be patient with yourself and try to keep some perspective. If you need to weep and sleep to feel better, so be it. All bets are off (in terms of sanity) when you're doing what you're doing right now. Whatever happens, you're forgiven. Grant yourself that leniency.

iyindo

[merchimerch.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there is a language program in advanced Uzbek at U of Washington this summer and I get the impression that I got the fellowship from the lady's second email - and she said that it will cover living expenses as well. So I'm hoping to be spending 10 weeks studying Uzbek in Seattle this summer. But there is still a little wait and see. I also need to find out the dates of that as well.

and thanks for the validation of my whole stress ball experience - it really is an all bets are off kind of thing, I'm amazed at how extreme I'm feeling. And I am continually amazed and grateful for R - he has been amazing about all of this, it reaffirms my conviction that we are life partners.