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[merchimerch]

Yesterday's lesson was kind of rough. Malika opa wants me to be able to sing all the pieces I'm learning from the vocal maqom, since it will help me remember them. However, she does not want me to sing them like a silly American girl. She spent the majority of my last lesson coaching me on how to sing the vowel "o" which is mostly like an o+a, instead of normal "oh"sounding *o* which is like the Uzbek letter *o'.* She also told me not to sing through my nose, to sing in my throat and mouth and belly the whole time. I was miserable. I am not a singer. I had a fine voice that got me through highschool and I have excellent pitch matching skills, even the for the quartertones that show up in Uzbek music. I am not a vocalist! I am not a vocalist in American culture and certainly not one in Uzbek culture and it is really frusterating to be trying to learn that particular skill when learning the fricking music is hard enough.

To top that all off, I didn't get any new material yesterday. We went over the "ouge" portion of the song I'm working on and played throught he 2 vocal pieces in the cycle and that was it. It made me feel so frusterated and ashamed that because of my lack of vocal ability I lost a chance to start Kashgarcha Savti Kalon.

And to top it all off, it looks like my cycle is going to be a few days short this month

I think I ovulated on cycle day 10 this month - I had a fever for a week in there right after I saw a 2 day temperature shift, so the fertilityfriend software wouldn't give me a coverline, but as I see it my temperature just dropped below that coverline for the first time since it shifted on day 11, and I am spotting this morning. What a load of crap I'm going to have a 22-23 day cycle this month. That is so unfair.

Comments

[sohrshah.livejournal.com]

Aww! Take it in stride. Part of being a participant observer is learning new things you didn't think you needed to know. maybe learning the proper pronunciation of the "o" (o-a dipthong?) will assist your speaking accent, and perhaps there is a reason why this pronunciation is important in Uzbek song culture. In English, there are certain words that are sung in a very specific way that is not how we speak the word- like "World" and "Mary" for example.

Will you be able to start Kashgarcha Savti Kalon at a later point?

Hey give yourself a break! You just started your period! :)

Your posts are a joy to read- it's like reading " First Fieldwork" but before the editors got to it and made it all boring. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

[merchimerch.livejournal.com]

I know I should take it more in stride, it is just hard. I've had 2 pre-dissertation fieldwork periods where I more or less listened to what people wanted to tell me and learned what they wanted to teach me. Now I have a dissertation topic and I'm more focused on the specific things I want to research.

I don't even hate the idea of learning the vocal stuff, it just annoys me that it gets in the way of my dutar lesson. Maybe I should ask if I should take some lessons with Malika opa's friend Komila, the singer - she will say that I should wait until I know more songs though.

And of course I'll start the next song in the cycle soon, its just frusterating to be slow, especially when it feels like time is so precious here.

[sohrshah.livejournal.com]

I understand your feeling of being pressed for time. I've been reading some of your red tape woes. If you are looking at being able to study only a month at a time... Yikes.

I'm just impressed that unlike so many new Phd's these days, you actually learned a language and went abroad to study in a culture which is not your own. Advocacy Anthropology drives me crazy when it's advocating one's own point of view.

I'm sure that when your study is done, you'll think you don't ave enough- or maybe you'll think you have too much, and then you'll sit down to write, and it will be a ,long haul, but in the end, you'll have documented something for all the world. Even in this journal, you give us little tidbits about llife where you are- the story of the building where your 90 year old friend lives was only a few sentences, but spoke volumes. :)

[merchimerch.livejournal.com]

wow thanks, that really brightened my day. I think I'm getting so burnt out and so focused on trying to get my research accomplished that I forget to think about how cool it is that I get to be here and expereince what I'm expereincing. Hopefully at the end I will have documented something.

Thanks for the reminder to step back :)