(no subject)

[merchimerch]

I'm having an application dilemma. I'm applying for the UCLA diss year fellowship at the moment and am feeling blocked and cranky about the personal statements. I've looked at other personal statements I've written for grants and none of them really seem to fit. What UCLA wants to know in my statement is basically who I am, what my career goals are (academic and non-academic), why I deserve their money and how I can guarantee them that I'll finish in time.

That last one is a sticky one. The truth is that I know I will finish by the end of next summer come hell or high water because I want babies. I have the Uzbekistan-induced baby fever, I know, but I also just want kids and always have. I want kids while I'm still young enough to enjoy them. I am not stupid or masochistic enough to try preggo and gradschool together in one monstrous stress ball sundae, so I have to get out of grad school and get a job. The way out of grad school for me is not attrition. I need to finish and find a job so I can have babies. I'm feeling a bit burnt on my research and the whole funding fandango and I really want as little to do with grad school as possible anymore. I'm ready to be done and move on to the next thing. R and I have set Fall 2006 as our TTC date and I plan to stick to it. The only thing standing in our way right now is my dissertation. I want in overwith as soon as possible. I'm starting to care less and less if it is even good, I just want it done. I want babies.

I'm not sure if I should try to find a gentle and PC way of putting this in my app. I'm not sure if it will hurt or help. It feels to me like a good guarantee of why I will finish, but I'm not sure that review committee folks will read it the same way. What do you guys think?

Comments

[calialleykat.livejournal.com]

preggo and gradschool together
:::shuddering in memory:::
The human female alots 1 extra brain cell to dealing with the upheaval of pregnancy. Forcing it to try to do complicated logical work like learning/focusing memorizingin addition to being pregnant, results in hysteria and screaming fits, and thats just in your husband.
I was in nursing school while pregnant, taking chemistry and math for stupid people as well as doing peer counseling on AIDS/HIV at SDSU and taking care of a 3 year old while my then Navy husband was on a guided missle cruiser in the Persian gulf.
Not one of my better ideas all in all, but I Was too busy most of the time to worry about the fact that they were shooting at my husband.
Grad school first.. then babies when you can afford a nanny. Or at least a teenager once in a while to clean out your fridge while you go see a movie.

[merchimerch.livejournal.com]

Yeah this is my point - I've seen a lot of frazzled students try to do the baby thing. Even a guy in my dept. is on a slower track that I thought he'd be because of having a baby. Of course trying to teach and be pregnant at the same time is probably going to be stressful, but at least things will be structured at that point. Prof. H told me when I mentioned I was getting married that I should absolutely WAIT to have kids until after grad school. I complete agree with her and we are waiting. I just don't want to have to wait forever.

I'm not sure we'll ever be able to afford a nanny, but a teenager once in a while will hopefully be feasible.

[varanus.livejournal.com]

Considering that the major fear of all faculty committees is that their female students will get pregnant and no longer be interested in doing academic work, including that might not be such a good idea.

Also, is the first year of a new job really any less demanding than the last year of a dissertation? I would think that having children as you're finishing one major life step might be easier than when you're starting another.

[merchimerch.livejournal.com]

I think having children in gradschool might be feasible if I had a trust fund. I can agree with the finishing up one life step thing, except that there is no way I could support children on a poverty level stipend and whatever job R could get.

And you're right year one would be just as demanding or more as I've heard. That's why we won't TTC until I can have a due date that would be after the 1st school year. I've really come to the conclusion that there is never a good time to have kids period. Ideally I'd wait until I have a comfy tenure track job with fabulous benefits, but that would be waiting long enough for my age to make fertility an issue. Everything I hear tells me that having kids in your 20s is just better and easier on the body.

[mehitabelmmoss.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know what to tell them - maybe in a positive way.

But I couldn't have had my kids in grad school - and pregnancy made me very stupid. I couldn't believe myself but I forgot everything everywhere.

[iyindo.livejournal.com]

personally, i wouldn't include it. i think this is one of those times when you have to BS reasons that you think they'll want to hear. i don't think that "I want to start a family" will be a good enough guarantee for them. it's too personal instead of being academically ambitious. if that makes any sense. it's not that you're not ambitious TOO -- i just don't think they'll look favorably on it.